Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in davewalwark's LiveJournal:

Sunday, May 8th, 2005
3:50 am	The next weekend. Oh my god. Colin and billy take me to bear night at Touche. Now, they were afraid i might get snapped in half if i went to the bathroom. That wasn't a problem, but i did get quite a few compliments on my brown suede jacket. It's nice to get compliments. I think girls have issues with that. Atleast at parties. It's like you have to come up to them and tell them how great they are, god forbid it was the other way around. Anyway, here I'm the little debutante. In case you don't know, bears are gay guys that are usually big, have facial hair, and dress either butch or normal. So this bar is packed with these huge bearded men, and billy keeps saying, "I brought dessert, here have a twinkie." as he shows me to people at the bar. hehe I love attention, so i don't mind. The excitement doesn't really start until we go to jackhammer, and there is a cute blonde girl there. First i'm trying to make sure she is real. Hmmmm, those hips look very real. So I go and ask her to dance. She says she isn't buzzed yet. I say, y'know that's funny because i'm not, and i was about to buy a drink but i didn't. In hindsight, not the most charming thing to say, but i was just pulling lines out of my ass to recover from my initial rejection. I didn't really feel rejected, per se, but I felt in some way that I had done something wrong. Like maybe I should have told her that I'm straight. Hmmm oh well, I'm not buying her a drink anyway, even if colin thinks i should. Back on over to touche, 4 chicks with wigs come in. Sweet! One of em is pretty hot. Another one, who turns out to be her twin sister, is pretty hot too, but of course i never figured out that out of the two of them, she wanted me more than her svelter sister. I spent about 15 minutes talking to the hot one. I was trying my darndest, and if i do say so myself, I'm pretty charming when i have 5 drinks in me. In fact, its probably my sweet spot for charm. There is gay porn running on a couple TVs, and i try to make light of it. She says she has taken a couple glimpses. I say "a couple glimpses?! I been checkin that shit for a couple minutes.. and I'll tell you, some of these guys really look like they know how to suck some dick!" The girl is shell shocked, she doesn't even react. Now, not to be discouraged, I continue being witty and asking her questions about herself until i realize all is lost, and i'm just continuing the conversation cuz it's easier to bludgeon her with wit than it is for me to be like 'okay, bye.' In the end, they bailed, so i did too. Its too bad i didn't know that the cooler one wanted me. fucking hilarious, its such a shame. I'm writing this the night of, and it has just turned to 4 am. A great night. I think i spent like 9 bucks, and i didn't get no action. But i think its more important that i didn't get fondled. (Comment on this)
3:33 am	April 27th, AKA my birthday. I throw on my newly acquired for 75cents dress shirt and my blue ultrasuede jacket. I put on the nicest jeans i have, the express brand ones that colin previously gave me. To complete the outfit i wear my 1970s Slix brand sneakers, that are blue with white highlights. I'm not lookin straight tonight- if i do say so myself. We roll out in colin's integra to pick up his boyfriend Billy from the train. When we get back to colin's, the two argue about what billy is going to wear. So I went upstairs to read the newspaper. When the quarrel was completed we proceeded to billy's to get him some new clothes and more money. Then we drove downtown. We were going to go to this vegan restaurant across from Billy's favorite pub. But the wait was 45 minutes and the pub had food. So I got some macaroni and cheese that came with more french fries than it did mac. Before eating and during, i consume 4 jaeger bombs. No sweat. Billy knows everyone at this pub, because he used to manage a joe's crab shack next door. He gives us the scoop on the manager who threw parties after closing. The owners of the bar came to one to witness him coming out of the bathroom with coke all over his face. Turns out this guy was also embezzling mad cash from the pub as well. Scandalous! We get some fat sacks from some guy, then we drive on over to boystown. Did he just say sacks? Yes, I did. Of what? *shrugs* 30's. Okay, carry on. We manage to find parking next to a nasty middle aged couple in the middle of liplock. Parking on a friday night, in BOYSTOWN? The gods must be with us. We head over to sidetracks first, and the place is fabulous. There are little signs with the no symbol with the words 'crystal meth' inside. I find this hilarious. I can't help wonder if these signs make a difference, cuz they seem on par with your aunty waving her finger at you to shame ya. So i'm thinking, this is the biggest on-purpose sausage party i've ever seen! It's amazing all the guys willing to show up to be around other guys! Well, actually it isn't, but to a first timer, it's still a little mind-expanding. I down a bunch of jack and cokes at this place, or something. Well, i'm getting cruised pretty hard, but it's just care and feeding of my ego. So we decide to go to a leather bar, which i can't remember the name of right now. Anyway the band jinx titanic is playing there, so we pay the 10 dollar cover. I of course get off scotch-free; thanks billy! We're listening to the band, and colin knows the bassist. So in the middle of the set the singer says "Who's got their 21st birthday tonight?" and i'm like 'meeee!' as i throw up my hands. He says 'get up here!' so i get on stage. He asks me: "are you gonna get laid tonight?" me: "I hope so!" *he pulls my head towards the mic* singer: "any takers!?" entire bar of leather daddies and 3 girls: YEAHHHH! Then he tells me to take some beach toys (there were inflatable things to throw around) so i do, then he says to get a drink on him. So i do, a jagermeister shot, which i take with the bartender. Fucking sweet. Later he buys me another shot, so i had to thank him after the show. Actually, colin made me thank him, but as i said after it was over, "easier done than said." The singer tried to get this girl to flash her tits, but she was so prude she wouldn't do it in front of a bar of gay guys. Lame. Of course my straight ass is shouting 'hell yeah!' as the singer eggs her on. But no luck. After all was said and done, colin claims i had 18 drinks. and I was feeling fine. I think it was more like 13, but either way, i consumed quite a bit. All in all, a great birthday. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
7:28 pm	At Columbia Colin, Billy and I went downtown. Colin drives and we struggle to find parking around our destination, Columbia College. Billy takes his leave, and me and Colin go to his class. It's a cultural studies class, and apparently my friend Mike is in the class. The first thing we discuss as a class is the reading list for St. John's college, which reads like the white man's guide to eurocentrism. Me and Colin have a ton of fun in this class because the teacher just asks for opinions. Opinions are like the easiest things to make in the world. Me and colin were some high-fivin motherfuckers, making point after concise point. The class was a hoot, and when we got out i wanted to bust out laughing at how colin burned this kid. kid: When you go to see blackflag the tickets are like 10 bucks. They're trying to get out their message. But Greenday tickets are like 45 dollars! Me(quietly): Greenday rocks Colin: Yeah, but they have talent. kid: So you're saying antiflag doesn't have talent? Colin: Yes. Me: *almost gonna die i wanna laugh so bad* Once we got into the stairwell i proceeded to laugh hard as hell. I had my guitar, and we went to a lounge. We met Billy there. Colin knew some people, and this butch girl punched him alot. Then this guy played some bob dylan songs on my guitar, then i played a funky little instrumental. No one was enthused when we set out for the park, so it was just me, billy and colin again. We went to millenium park and walked over the BP bridge to the lake (or at least lake shore drive). During the walk i strapped on my guitar and rocked it while we were walking. Then while walking on busier streets, people would walk with us while i played and sang, mixing up old songs with improvisation. Clad in colin's aviator glasses, with my preppy do and a red jacket, and rockin my cedar top guitar, i had a great time in the beautiful weather. When people passed by us colin would say 'how do you like the new iPod?' and point at me. Meanwhile i'm just croonin and strummin. no covers. We went to a cigar shop and i bought one of those cruella de ville cigarette holders. Don't really know why.. but it was fun to hold in my mouth, since it had rhinestones on it. We walked back to Columbia and hung out with some girl named Simone who was 19 and just got a raise at her job to 10.50. I busted out some ginseng to celebrate and we all downed em. Simone left to get thai food and forgot her pen. Billy started drawing a rollercoaster until colin commandeered the pen to draw anime faces. then we went to this really strange art exhibit where lesbians were making sounds with a tub of water, and it was playing over speakers. there were candles on the tables and a woman writing on chalkboards with a sponge and water, so that after a couple minutes, the words would dry up and disappear. Instructions on each table were to call a grandma or elder parent and talk to them about anything. The paper also mentioned 739 people dying in the 1995 heatwave. I found this really creepy, and made sure that we promptly left. "My grandma has air conditioning" I spouted as we were a safe distance away. When we were outside earlier this homeless guy came up and asked for money. I conceded because i had some change loose in my pocket, which doesn't usually happen. Handing him 35c, I then inform him that i'm paying the toll for the group of 4 people i'm in. He doesn't really get it and asks colin for money. Then he asks him for a cigarette and i start moanin. Me: Why are you smoking? You don't have a lot of money, you know colin here wastes tons of money smoking cigarettes. Colin: Yeah they're like 5 dollars a pack, 1 or 2 a day.... homeless guy: I don't buy cigarettes. Me: but you're out here beggin for money and cigarettes homeless guy (jovially elbows me): fuck you! fuck you... Me: *laughing with him* as for something completely different, Colin has a clone at columbia, and has talked to him before. Apparently colin's friends always come up and hug bizarro colin, and bizarro's friends try and hang out with colin. So we saw this guy across the street that looked just like colin. He had the facial hair and the finely greased coiffure. So I yelled 'COlin!' across the street at dude. He turns around and looks a little confused. We all busted out laughing at him. By the end of the day we ditched colin's 3rd class, went to go get his car from the valet parking place, and I pilfered a random soda left on top of a crate. Rock on. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 7th, 2005
3:20 am	A whole big mess So yesterday I went over to Lindsay's. More precisely, I went over to her cousin's boyfriend's place, who goes by the name of Adam. Lindsay was watching his apartment for the weekend. So she gives me bad directions on the phone and i'm getting ornery like I do when i get lost. She goes to stand outside and look for me, and eventually i park right where she is standing. I'm now realizing that we will have the entire apartment to ourselves, as opposed to Lindsay's place, where her roommate is constantly there, and trying to study. Lindsay left the keys inside. The door locked itself. I immediately start working on the window to the left of the door. After much fuss and finagling, and Lindsay whupping the screen's ass, we find that even though the window is unlocked, there are burglary prevention things that keep the windows from overlapping. There is another window, but its over a stairwell, so i have to lean over a crevasse to access it. Its even worse than the first one. That whole period of trying to get in lasted about 20-28 minutes. At some point she tells me that there is whiskey inside, and my determination level doubles. So.... we go back to Lindsay's. I get the bright idea to try and pick the lock, because she keeps mentioning how loose and sloppy it is, which is the hallmark of an easy to pick lock. We practice at her place on one of her doors (the lock is the kind in the doorknob, and brushed aluminum) i make picks out of bobby pins, slices of an old pool pass, and paper clips. Then we also gather other keys from the landlord's stash to try on the door. We go over and jiggle wiggle and fool with it for awhile. Lock picking is a lot harder in real life than in the movies. For instance, you need to always have 2 tools to pick a real lock. One to turn the cylinder, and one to rake the pins. I'm goin at it, just tryin to be cool... and i get the great idea to stick this big honkin piece of pool pass in the lock shaped like half of an arrowhead. Okay, sign me up for the GED, cuz i just flunked out of highschool on that one. The tip of the makeshift lockpick breaks off in the lock. I realize this is really bad, but then feel better when a key still goes into the lock, thinking that if a key can get in, then Adam's key will still work. So we molest this lock for like 30 minutes, having to stop and turn off the flashlight every once in awhile because someone is coming; like the boyfriend of the lady next door whom Lindsay compliments on his suit. Meanwhile there are all kinds of tools and shit around and we are hanging out on the stoop. He doesn't even bat an eye. We give up and decide to go to my house for the night, because adam will be home tomorrow at around 3pm. No biggie, the cat is fed, even if all the lights are on. So the next day I drop Lindsay off, and i'm over at this girl Monique's house, from my recording class helping her with her computer, when I get a call. Lindsay says 'his key doesn't work in the lock anymore'. oh shit. So I ask my dad the licensed locksmith what to do and he says smack the lock and turn it and so forth. They try this for awhile but still no luck. I head home thinking I'm gonna bring my dad back there to solve the problem. When i'm there and i tell my dad about it, he tells me there are two things that can be done. 1. I can use an extractor to pull out the piece of plastic. An extractor is either something like a little crochet hook or a small thin sawblade. The piece of plastic is likely keeping one of the pins from moving where it needs to. 2. I can drill the cylinder, or saw off the knob, destroying the lock, and then replace the lock later. I leave the house with 2 toolboxes, and hop in the Nipponese 5 series. I rock to home depot to grab a lock thinking that if i don't use it, i can return it later. They are closed early on sundays, and because at this point its 7:50, i'm struck. So i get to Adam's, try and extract the plastic piece, but even with a real good makita flashlight, i still can't see it in there. If I can't see it, how am i gonna grab it. I call Lindsay so that adam and her can come over. I use his key a little, and jiggle it around. No good. I take the Makita cordless drill and go at the cylinder. Its slow going, and the drill bit catches a lot and stops turning. Eventually the bit breaks off in the lock. Great. I try another bit, but it won't drill through the chunk of the first one still in the lock. HACKSAW TIME. I call my dad to verify any information about how to saw off the motherfucking knob. he says "you just don't want to damage the door." Good enough for me. It takes like 8 minutes, but i saw that motherfucker most of the way through, then slowly get a hammer out of my toolbox and WHONK whonk WHoNK! knock the bitch down. There's a neat little flathead screwdriver slot on the shaft of what's left of the lock. Screwdriver in, turn turn door pop. We are in!! Everyone thinks i did such a wonderful job, to which i have to correct them that I was just fixing a problem that i created. Adam offers to pay for the new lock which i promptly shoot him down on. Me and lindsay decide to go halves on it or rather she does, I was just gonna pay for it myself. Only like 20 bucks at the depot i'm pretty sure. Tomorrow or tuesday i have to go buy the new lock and put it on. Well, chalk it all for experience. Remember kids, stay in school. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
5:29 am	A funny story So I'm running my usual 2 mile monday, of course at 3am. After running a little over a half mile, I start feeling really relaxed and drowsy. So I get the genius idea, why not run with my eyes closed? Of course you are thinking 'you dumbass, you will run off the sidewalk!' but I like to live dangerously. So I try it a bit, for like 15 feet, and then check to see if I'm on track. I am still on the concrete, and when my eyes are closed it feels reaaaaalllllly good, because the running becomes automatic and almost effortless. So I try it again, and start to enjoy nice blacklight images on the inside of my eyelids. I run like 60 feet and then check to see how I'm doing. I'm right in the middle of the 4 foot wide sidewalk! I guess I'm pretty good at this! So, with my confidence level boosted, i try again, and soon travel onto the grass at a slight angle. Only thing is, it takes me awhile to remember which way I need to go to correct my vector. Naturally, right when i figure it out and start leaning back towards the sidewalk (no peeking!) I RUN INTO A FUCKING TREE. Holy shit! Someone just punched me in the upper lip and nose and they weigh thousands of pounds! I think if someone had been watching it they would have seen my head bounce off of the elm's trunk and me go to my knees. Whoah pain.. my nose is bleeding... i grab some snow and clean off my face, and blow some bloody snot out. Luckily the pain endorphins make running the rest of the distance pretty easy. Don't say I didn't warn you. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
5:28 am	The Second City My good friend Colin's boyfriend works at Second City. If you don't know what that place is, its a phenomenol sketch comedy club that has fostered the talents of many comedy greats, like Jim Belushi and Gilda Radner. Billy (Colin's cumdumpster) is awesome and gets us complimentary tickets. I prepared for the evening by buying and changing the air filter, and cleaning the throttle plate of me and my mom's 1992 Acura Vigor, hereby known simply as the vigor. I like to call it my japanese 5 series (bmw). Rusty as a tin but quick as lightning, i love the thing. So me and Colin leave early and go to this record store called gramaphone cuz colin has to buy 'books' for his DJ class. In an altered state, I find this place totally rockin. You can take any record that is not shrinkwrapped (most are open) and put it on one of the like 6 listening stations, all equipped with technics 1200s and Sony V600 headphones on mediocre (pioneer, kenwood, fisher) old hifi stereos. So I found a couple cuts that were pretty tight, a Chemical Brothers track called *hold on a second gotta get my phone and look it up* its called The Boxer just like that simon and garfunkel tune. Also there is a new Talib Kweli EP with this song called A Game. That was hot as well. So Colin buys like 100 bucks of vinyl (mostly dance/club) and we go to Flat Top grill cuz Colin works at the Oak Park one. 50% discount baby! You've got to be thinking, man this colin guy is a wonderful friend to have! I had never been there before, and had been told by a certain unnamed party that there would be nothing for me to eat, seeing as I am a vegetarian. I found that completely untrue, as there was wonderful fake meat, and rice and noodles and bean sprouts and any kind of sauce you like fried in a separate wok if you pleased. I was really impressed by the vegetarian and vegan friendly options. Thumbs up to that business plan! So we go to Second City and see Billy, who's working as a server at the show. He hooks us up with whatever we want during the show, though he couldn't do anything about my request for an italian girl. The show was really cool, I had never been there and the reputation preceded the place. However, it was definitely up to par. I'm a laughy type mofo, so of course i was laughing at a lot of shit other people didn't get, or didn't find funny. Especially hilarious to me was a parody of a love song from the 50's, with an actress cooing about men being important and girls being nothing without a man. I laughed harder than all the girls in the place, some of which I'm sure just didn't get how sarcastic the song was. Billy hooked us up with souvenir glasses, and I washed the jack and coke out of mine in the bathroom, to make it easier to take home. We drove back to colin's, and then guilty about needing to run 2 miles, i took my leave of them; but not without first giving them a ride to and from the 7-11 (1.2 blocks away). I parked diagonally across two spaces, but so what 'I ain't hurtin nobody'. Then I perused Low Rider magazine, in which I am equally interested in the women and the cars. A classless end to a classy night. How fitting. Now its time to run. See ya next time! (Comment on this)
5:28 am	Going out on the town... I had been hanging out at Lindsay's all day, and her roommate wanted to go out. So in come Elana and Derek, and out went all of us. We took the blueline to division, to go to Smoke Daddy's. They usually have a live band, playing jazz or blues or something in between. The band started, but Mega, Elana and Derek had decided to get something to eat, so they went down the block. Me and Lindsay stayed and listened to the band, which was just some regular jazz as far as I'm concerned. After they played, everyone came back and started talking to strange musician-looking characters. They immediately started trying to get our e-mail addresses, and convince us how much we should care about the band/bands they are in. This does not impress me much. (nod to Shania) Well we ended up getting a ride from one of them to the Black Beetle, no one really realizing how hard it would be to get home from there without a ride. I of course am not 21 yet, so we had this guy come from inside and consult on how to get in. He herded everyone but me to the door and had them start going in. Towards the middle of the line he shoved me in, then shoved me away from the bouncer, and I walked to the back of the bar. Success! From where I'm standing, I can see my friends getting carded. So I'm waiting for them when this decent looking european girl comes up to me. Girl: "My friend wants to know where you've been all her life." Me: *laugh* (Thinking, damn, that is a pick up line I would never use, it's so cliche!) then her friend comes up and is like this bucktoothed asian girl. Now, I love women of all colors, but I require buckteeth be checked at the door. So they ask me how old I am... I say 21.. They start ogling me and saying I'm so young and cute. Meanwhile I'm thinking "damn, how can i get out of this" cuz Lindsay is real cool, and I'm not trying to be gettin with these dorks. They are pinching my cheeks and all manner of strange complimentary actions when there is a lull in the superficial conversation. Thinking quickly, I boldly say the unthinkable. "So, you guys want to buy me a drink?" An immediate change affects the girls. They start saying how poor they are, and that they wish me good luck with getting a drink or something, as they walk off. Heh, they were probably looking to have ME buy THEM drinks. Yeah right. I thought I was gonna die laughing when they turned the corner, but I held it in. Lindsay comes up in her tie-dyed bobdylan-phil lesh long sleeve. I start telling her about what just happened when this big blond girl comes up and says something to me that I can't understand. I just smile and nod my way through most of it until I make out the final statement, something about how beautiful Lindsay is and how lucky we are or some shit. The guy following behind the blonde gives me a 'she's drunk, ain't it crazy', kind of look. I give him a pat on the back and ask Lindsay what the hell the girl said. Lindsay says that the girl said I look like someone from smallville or pleasantville, but she couldn't remember which one. I have to explain pleasantville to Lindsay because she's never seen it and it's pretty good. In the end, it was really fun turning the tables on those chicks. So that's the end of the strangely flattering events that took place following my entry to the Black Beetle, and my first real chicago bar experience. Lindsay bought me a couple Pabst, and we had a nice talk. Derek and Elana were fighting like some highschoolers. Mega was dancing up a storm. We ended up walking a mile and a couple blocks to the north western stop on the blue line. I argued with Elana about the fact that we are walking further away from our destination, but she was more stubborn than I am. After all 4 of us (derek got himself lost, thank the lord) got to the train station, we sang a couple christmas classics, like silent night, and then moved into the motown, crooning favorites like Let's stay together, and Please, Mr. Postman all the while clapping and steppin and trying to remember the lyrics. After taking the train through the city and backout, we got home at about 4:40am. Goodnight chicago. (Comment on this)